The Eye

Hello!  Well, my appointment today went well... mostly.  Everything looks good, and is normal.  That's the good news.  Also, I can now do anything I "feel up to doing."  Very good news, as I am tired of being treated like an invalid.  (I really don't like that word, but it's a good description.)  However, what is normal for this stage of the 4-6 month healing process is pain.  Lots and lots of pain.  I want to rip my eye out.  Also, my right eye has become lazy over the years of blurry fun, so now I have even worse double vision.  Unfortunately, there is nothing that can be done about it because I am an adult, and lazy eyes are only fixable as a child.  I was told that I'm going to have to learn to live with it.  Very annoying.

I feel like I only have one eye instead of two, only the extra is still there making me miserable.  The right eye is pretty much useless to me, and I expect it to be that way forever.  I hope I can eventually get better at ignoring what it sees.  I think the only thing it is good for is depth perception.  I can still drive and function as usual, but now just watching TV is an exercise in patience.

I need to remember that this whole situation is for my benefit.  I know that there are lessons I am to be learning from it, and also character to be built by it.  It was so much easier to keep that in mind as a child.  I think I'm getting tired.  It's not that I have any less faith, in fact I have more faith than I used to.  I think it's getting harder to deal with because there is so much I want to do in my life, and my body is always in the way.  I'm so tired of being in pain, and I'm tired of having to adapt to the crazy obstacles my body throws in my way.  I'm tired.  

Well, what I just learned from myself today, is that I need to be patient!!  Ha!  I'm going to pray for patience.  Hopefully the answer to my prayers won't be more opportunities to learn patience.  Of course, if that's what is meant for me, then I know the patience will come, as "the lord giveth no commandment unto the children of men save he prepare a way for them that they should achieve it."